Still, there's reason to believe we should enjoy the Spanish-language action tomorrow: for one, we get to see the debut of La Roja Furia Sexy. Not only are Spain the winners of Euro 2008, and co-favorites with Brazil to take the entire Cup, but a quick perusal of Kickette suggests that they are the consensus hottest team in the tournament. Forget Roque and Ronaldo, Spain have golden-locked and befreckled beauty boy Fernando Torres, the rippling abdominals of Sergio Ramos, and the Catalan charm of 23-year "Sex" Fabregas. Tasty. (And no, my heterosexuality isn't threatened by any of this; according the Onion, soccer is officially gay now, and I love it.) The comparatively dowdy Swiss will have no chance tomorrow: I say Spain 2, Switzerland 0.
The other games should be good, too. If Marcelo Bielsa's Chile can't open this tournament up, no one can; I'll pencil them in for an entertaining 2-1 victory over Honduras. In the afternoon contest, the first of the second series of matches, look for Uruguay to take advantage of at least one South African miscue and hold on tight defensively. Let's make it Uruguay 1, South Africa 0.
Elsewhere, things are happening:
* The untamed beast that is Wayne Rooney just doesn't belong on a golf course. If he has to be there, the least he's going to do is piss all over some rocks.
* Most of the North Korean "fans" in South Africa yesterday were paid Chinese plants.
* Italy goalkeeper Gianluigi "Harlequin" Buffon may be out of the tournament with a back injury. I'll miss his crazy faces, but not as much as the Italians will miss his clutch saves.