36. Authors Anonymous. A group of no-talent literary hopefuls gather in suburban LA to support each other in their craft. Or, your annual reminder that there's nothing worse than unfunny comedy. Especially unfunny comedy that sneers at art. RIP Dennis Farina. (KH)
Poor Ostreicher. He was so much happier in American Reunion. (MK)
You can't kill The Neesons with fists, or blades, or bullets, but leaden noir cliches will definitely work. Like, really well. This movie is to Taken as Nell is to Schindler's List. (MK)
33. Hercules.
FYI Walter White and Al Swearengen are in these movies. This reminds me of when I asked David Milch at a reading if he believed in the idea of a "golden age of television," and he said, "I say it's always a golden age if I can go to the YMCA and get a towel and a locker for 75 cents...next question!?" (MK)
32. The Edge of Tomorrow. Pretty sure this entire film was conceived as an elaborate narrative justification for viewers to watch Emily Blunt do this about 37 times. Wait, why is this ranked so low again? (MK)
If you, like me, recognize the Philip Noyce/Harrison Ford films Patriot Games and Clear and Present Danger as the modern masterpieces they are -- an early '90s answer to the classic collaborations of Kurasowa/Mifune, Herzog/Kinski, Scorsese/DeNiro, etc -- then you know this Jack Ryan reboot was bound to be a disappointment. Still, it could have been worse. I didn't believe it for a second when Chris Pine beat the hell out of the King of Qarth, but he could definitely take Ben Affleck. (MK)
29. Draft Day. A little secret about 2014. The good movies weren't that good, but the bad movies weren't that bad. If I could, would I trade in these two hours of NFL player cameos, dramatic coffee spills, dramatic laptop heaves, Costner being Costner, Kiper being Kiper, and thrilling CLEVELAND BROWNS FRONT OFFICE ACTION for some other two hours, of like, checking my email, reading a novel, or spending time with loved ones? No, I wouldn't. (MK)
Shouldn't melodrama be the opposite of boring? And wouldn't that make The Immigrant, like, the opposite of melodrama? (MK)
Jeremy Renner's eyeliner was never boring. (KH)
27. The Two Faces of January. Stacked with talent (Viggo, Dunst, Oscar Isaac, working with a script adapted from Patricia Highsmith), this movie looks way better than it is. (KH)
I'd read a thinkpiece about how The Other Woman was the most devastating cinematic indictment of American capitalism released in 2014. I'd read the whole thing, I really would. I'd even tweet about it and shit. COME ON INTERNET WHERE ARE YOU??? (MK)
25. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. The flimsiness of the human world in the first Apes movie was drowned out by the revolutionary momentum of the great ape coming-together. Not this time around. I still love Andy Serkis's chimpanzee face, but this was a missed opportunity. (MK)
24. Night Moves. It was pretty dispiriting when Jesse Eisenberg was cast in the newest film by Iron List favorite Kelly Reichert. We figured his motiveless petulance would probably ruin whatever understated story she was telling about eco-terrorism in the Pacific Northwest. We figured right. (KH)
22. American Sniper.
Two well-made movies in the service of terrible ideas. Both undeniably entertaining, the former as a comic fantasy, the latter as a serious nightmare. Yet it's hard to walk away from either one feeling very good about this country. This would be fine if they were intended as scathing critiques, but let's be honest. Look at that warm food truck glow. Look at that badass weapon. These movies are selling us something, and it's Do What You Love and Defend This Nation. And what a lot of trouble those particular products have caused. (KH)
I wanted to like this so much. But for me it's another case where the Jacobin essay about the film is better than the film itself. (MK)
To put it another way: "WE GOT CATE BLANCHETT WITH DIS BOX OFFICE BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH" (MK)
18. We Are the Best! These adorable Swedes are bffs and band mates and to the hell with the rest of you. They're going to take their original song "Hate the Sport" straight to the top of the charts. (KH)
Still, it bugged me that the movie invited us to regard the entire episode as a triumph -- for the courageous gay activists, the 'surprisingly progressive' miners and their wives, etc. In truth the '84-85 strike ended in absolute disaster for the strikers and all who supported them. Of course, we can't blame Pride for history since 1985, which has seen many victories for gay rights and many defeats for organized labor. But is this something to celebrate? The original members of Gays and Lesbians Support the Miners -- communists and socialists, every last one of them -- wouldn't have seen it that way, and we shouldn't, either. (MK)